Love's broken-ness

Dear Jesus my Lord, show me the kind of faith that you will lay your power on me. Lord, teach me the kind of humble-ness that you will always call out for me to go for your almighty name.

Whenever you are rejected, I am heart broken. Because I know Lord, you bear the most pain. Lord, I still do not know your heart well. Show me your heart Jesus. So I can feel every that you felt, then I am more empowered to be your vessel. In Jesus' name, heal the blinds so that they can see. Amen.

God's Touch

Recently I am living in much joy. I find myself burst into laughter often. I am easily contented, and happy about simple things. Thank God for Eilton that he treated me Royale Black flavour ice cream cone yesterday at ECP. That really put me into child-like mood. But I am the one requested for his treat. =P Eilton is kind enough to grant my wish. Wahaha~~

I prayed so much that God would change me to become somebody who are able to bind people together. I started by trying to be humourous. YES!! TRYING!! Nobody laugh at my joke! So discouraged. Instead they laugh at my stupidity.. but well i'm contented with that too. Today during the prayer meet in office, my prayer request is that God help me to be more humourous like Jun Hao or loud like Eilton. So the prayer goes like this.. "Lord you bless Edison in his joke and upgrade his joke."

In the midst of joy, at times I also teared. Because I know God is pampering me and cheering me. For this I felt touched by God. My eyes often caught some "secret act" of people which makes me laugh. I saw Jeremiah acting like a kid when his sandal stepped by Eilton. I saw Eilton breaking the flower which suppose to be a gift for the Water Baptized sister. I saw people playing "Ji Gu Ba" and finger cramp. I saw yoyo break into half while the sister doing stunts with it. Many more...

I also kept having flash-back about how I am in the past. I rejected Jesus with mockery, unbelieved, criticized, I even cursed that I will kill the demons and god. But yes He did died but not killed by this weakling. God love me so much that He choose to die on the cross because I am a sinner. He teared on the cross because there are people like me who don't understand the wrath of God and the eternal pain in hell. Jesus knows what troubles and torments are coming ahead of me if I don't repent so He prayed for you and me. While I indulge myself with pride and ego for 20++ years, Jesus never give up calling me even I choose to turn my back at him. I know how much this friend has done for me. Now I know I'm delivered into his arm. Nothing going to come between Jesus and me. Not sin, not self-interests, not self-comfort, not troubles, not persecutions, not anything in the world. Not even "myself". Lord, No words can describe how I feel towards you. You need to witness my heart and examine it for yourself.

Joyful Day

Thank you Jesus for blessing such a wonderful and joyful CG day. The preparation was wonderful. The songs and prayers were wonderful. The noise at my house was wonderful. The guitar is wonderful. The movie was wonderful. The short boxing session with Ezekiel was wonderful. The movie was wonderful. The basket ball game was wonderful. The cheers were wonderful. The drinks were wonderful. The scenery at the park was wonderful. The people are wonderful. It is all wonderful because most of all

JESUS YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!!

Jesus Jesus... Thank you for the drink treat during dinner. Eilton picked up 10 dollars note on the floor and we know it is you who blessed us. Every little things in my life, I want you to get involve with me Jesus. Through ups and downs I want you to walk with me Jesus. In the times of intimacy or even argument, I want it to be with you. Yes Jesus sometimes I do argue with you. But never once I win you because you are God the almighty. You are even good at arguing with love. God I am forgetful and ungrateful because I am a sinner, please please please make me wake up whenever I sleep. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

Today I learned the different ways of QT from my brothers and leaders. I realized that I am so inflexible! But yes! I am going to customize my own QT with you, in a more creative manner! But of course I will not forget the basic - prayer, bible reading, thanksgiving, praise and worship. God I have three things to ask from you. In Jesus' name, heal my left ankle please? In Jesus' name, give me music talent please? I wanna learn guitar so that I can play for you. Lastly, cannot share in blog. I tell you later Jesus.

Lastly, Thank God for Jesus for TNSA-4. I will never forget this caregroup in my life. Never will I. I love you my beloved family. Love you more, Jesus. =3

Combine Service

Today Hope Singapore had a combined service. It is announced that Pastor Jeff would be our new Senior Pastor! Pastor Jeff is full of spirit everytime. I believe God will move the church through him and he will be greatly used by God. If you happen to read this page, I would like to tell you, today your teaching moved me. God has used you to move me, Pastor Jeff.

Today as I was taking note during sermon, there are several sentences I wrote.
-We must be the right container for God to fill the harvest.
-How can we feed others when we can't even feed ourselves? (Spiritual food)
-In time of challenges, it is God offers a great opportunity to trust in Him.
-Does God ever fails me? NO!

And I have made two decisions:
1) Go down deep in prayer to ask God what He wants me to do for the kingdom.
2) I want to use my one and only lifeon earth to do God's will. To join Jesus in his vision. To meet Him one day to see the smile on His face.

Four things to pray for tonight:
1) About my frustration towards people's sin
2) God lead me to live in account to God and self
3) Go deep into details of my daily life (Correction)
4) Listen to the voice of Lord

Lord I'm coming to meet you.

Lord, My Companion.

I'm ashamed when I look at how you would not even consider or possess a second thought but all determined to die on the cross for me. I have know how great is your love, but I can never estimate the depth. Your love is far from what I can perceive. The amount surpasses and overflows over the brim of my bottle. Lord, I have this bottle with its own capacity. You say if I am willing to let go, you will give me another of no capacity, which its brim the water cannot meet. Lord I am exchanging for that new bottle. Please give it to me. Holy spirit come into me and teach me how to love the unlovable. It is unbearable to know how filty I am for my Lord to touch. It surpasses the amount of love I can imagine or expect. Lord I will love the people with faith. Agape is what you are teaching me.

Your presence so strong that inflicts fear, along with inspiration and encouragement. For I fear displeasing you in my substandard faith and deed. Lord I cast all my worries, doubts, uncertainties and transformation to you. Each day, Holy Spirit prompts me the area of life I am to correct and seek your purification, I turned into prayer instantly. I asked for your holy spirit to fill me daily. I asked for your lead daily. I have my cross ready O'Lord. Teach me and give me the strength to pick it up and follow you. Lord I give you praise... you witness my faith and take every of my prayers seriously even if it may presented casual. You see into my heart O'Lord.

Father, give me a place which its aroma is pleasing to you, so that I can meet you there. Amen.

My Victorious God

Some people say you're just a prophet. Some people say you're wise. Some people say you're just a man. But I say you're God. You are my victorious God. Thank you Jesus for bringing victory into my life. I know I will always remain a victor as long as I live in you. Victory will not come easy but I will persevere to the very end. My shepherd taught me to live the Word of God and not just reading. To let the Word of God be a shield that the devil cannot penetrate. Lately I have acquired this shield. I thought it was never possible. I overcame temptations many times when I hold on tight to Jesus' name and pray before it becomes too much for me to handle. I learned to be more responsive towards the Holy Spirit and be patience to wait upon the Lord. I learned not to rush before God's timing. I learned to trust in the Lord even when the devil stood right before me. How long will I be able to maintain this spirit of victory? -- As long as my life remain surrendered to Christ.

Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear not evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely Goodness and Love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Street Evangelism on 20th March 2009

We're currently in Operations: Vanguard's Will!

Target: Break through 100 by March 2009!

Guys! Ephraim and I are going to do Street Evangelism on 20th March 2009 for this break through on March '09!! We desirably welcome you all to join us in this mission! Let's satisfy our faith to the Lord by doing His Will. The plans are ongoing as you are reading this. We need your support to make this act more powerful! Amen!

Just wanna share this thought with the readers. What inspired us to do this is because, personally, I believe on 1st April 2009, there will only be two reaction. 1. Disappointment that we never break through. or 2. Rejoice before the Lord for the break through. I believe that our faith will touch God and surely he will bless us. Ephraim and I really urge you to come and satisfy your faith in this event!

Exodus 16:13-18
That evening quail came and covered the camp, and in the morning there was a layer of dew around the camp. When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, "What is it?" For they did not know what it was.

Moses said to tem, "It is the bread the LORD has given you to eat. This is what the LORD has commanded: 'Each one is to gather as much as he needs. Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.'"

The Israelites did as they were told; some gathered much, some little. And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and the who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed.

The Lord know how much we need. He knows which is not too much, which is not too less. But Lord did not place the bread directly into the houses of Israelites but outside on the desert floor. To acquire the bread, the Israelites have to make effort to go out and fetch the bread home. On 20th March 09, we're going to fetch the lives outside home!

My Dedication of Love for Lord Jesus

While waiting for Eilton and Donald to meet up at yoshinoya, I felt God. So I wrote this:

Lord, who deserve my cries?
Every pain and prayers for you,
Who will care to feel?
There is no one like you.

Lord, who shall I give my devotion?
You guide me to your arm, your patience is limitless.
Who care to wait 22 years for me?
There is no one like you.

Lord, who shall I follow?
You are the Way, the Truth and the Life.
Who will guide me in rightousness?
There is no one like you.

Lord, who shall I serve?
A King live like a slave, descent from Heaven to save the world.
Who are to feed these filty rats?
There is no one like you.

Lord, who shall I give my life?
You offered up yours when death should be mine.
Who care to sacrifice everything for me?
There is no one like you.

Lord, who shall I love?
The love of the world can never add up to yours.
Nobody will ever love me like you do.
There will be no one like you.

Well it is not any artist's work. It's a piece of my heart. I love Jesus.. because He love me first.

Voice Of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

How do you look at imperfection?

People! =) Well lately often *overheard* conversations of condemnation. A simple and familiar phase to share "Human is never perfect". When I ponder at this sentence, it reminds me of Man and God relationship. It is because of flaws(sin) in man that we need God. And everyone need Jesus, to fill up the void in the heart. I also learned from Jeremiah's teaching that, the Kingdom of God is meant for everyone. It is for this unlovable boy, also that annoying girl, also for that irresponsible man and also for that short-tempered lady. Everyone.

It is natural that at times we make unjust judgment. But don't forget we're too a sinner, we are no different from the unlovable ones. Except, we are more fortunate to have come to know Jesus, who opens our hearts and blesses abundantly. We're led by Jesus who is the light of the world, therefore we may be seemed "better". One thing I learned long ago at Book of Ephesian Study, it is that we don't hate the sinner, but the sin. The sin, which from the deception of Satan. Sin fall into mankind due to deception of Satan, amen? All man on earth is a creation of God and thus belongs to God. For our glorious King, let's deliver and bring the lost souls home from Satan's hand.

The greatest love is Jesus, who love even His prosecutors. Amen!

God's dwelling

Today i spent time sitting at Suntec Fountain of Wealth with Jian Feng after shepherding. looking at the beautiful fountain plays make me so fond of God, whose mighty hands that place such soothing and gentle scene before me, and earnest to worship Him in gratitude of appreciation. We then started praying for Jian Feng's uncle, my most loved brother Richard Samuel and Zane. I set my heart and dwell in God's presence in prayers. I felt that my life is not my own, but imprisonment in Christ yet remain unstruggled with utmost joy of love and peace. More than words in description. As though the world of sin I'm sitting on has perished and my earthly five senses have vanished. The state of not-likely to be in thoughts, and not-likely to be in feelings. Could it be in spirit? The unexplanable state of dwelling in God experience. I am speechless. I cannot describe further.

2 Cor 12:9 (NRSV) but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Caregroup Day!

Today is a fruitful day, full of praises to God and dwelling. Today we have 8 believers coming together to worship God and dwell in the presence of God! The topic of CG today is "Dwelling of God". It is indeed! It started off with bible verses crossword puzzle! I am the game master and I am of much satisfactory because Donald was challenged!!! Wahaha!! I'm glad at least this game benefits everybody including my leader ^_^! The interactive process took place for about 20 mins. Kinda longer than expected. Praise & Worship and prayers are followed then, as we all dwell into God's presence in the anointed song "My Heart Your Home". Today finally I understand why is it "My Heart God's Home". It is to set our heart so that God comes in.

Today we shared very powerful and strong testimonies, testifying the glorious name of God! It is witnessed that many brothers and sisters in our caregroup already loved God so much and already marching towards God's vision. Thank God for moving us like the wave in the big ocean!! Amen! Follow by the end of Care Group!

But the sharing session about the Glory of God has not ended yet! We headed to subway at AMK Hub for lunch and to my surprise, the children of God continue to share about how great is our God in our lives. We kept sharing with enthusiasm until sister got to leave to meet Lynn. I tell you.. it's WOW!! We really dwell into God's presence! Today my heart is renewed once again!!

This is my personal time with God. God is humorous. You know during on my way home from AMK Hub, I promised to spend more time with God today. As I walk home, I am tempted again. I saw some thai boxing boys training at a nearby "badminton court". It tempts me to go and look. But God is faithful, He brought me home straight, leading me away from temptation. >.<>, buy the pen and pencil, buy 3 notebooks and a file and store all of them inside. Bring this file wherever you go so that you can write anytime." and I went. I got the pen, pencil, 3 notebooks and a file exactly like the picture I have in my mind during the prayer. The hair on my face goosebumps!! I name the 3 books, "Book Of Blessings" & "Book Of Repentance" & "Book Of Visions". =D I'm happy that I grew closer with God tonight. This is quite a long post huh? Lolx!! I will again randomly close this blog. God is faithful! Amen!!

Spiritual Growth

Wow today God really bless and touch my heart. 16th Jan 2009, I took my off day and I rest at home with God. I missed the meeting with Bao Ren so therefore plenty of time spent with God. Early in the morning I woke up and felt my heart closed. I am dead worried. I sat before this screen and watch several online sermons by Paul Washer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuabITeO4l8

This sermon really helps me in understanding the faith of salvation. I cried 4 times during this 1 hour sermon. It really saddened me when I realize how ungrateful men are. Jesus died on the cross bearing our sins and His blood cleanses us, yet we treat this precious blood like pig's blood. Many christians certainly neglected the basic foundation of faith. We should not take it lightly when our Lord die on the cross for us, the pain and torment He alone went through for us. So that we may be saved and be blameless before the Heavenly Father. He also speak about the meaning of entering the Narrow Gate in Matthew 7. Take some time to watch this sermon yeah? =) It is helpful.

I learned that I am a sinner and God love me as sinner. He knows I am weak. I should not let guilt of repeated repentence hinder me from reaching to God. Because to be saved is not to say the sinner's prayer once and repent once but to continue repenting of ourselves. Because we will definitely sin tomorrow. As long as we are conscious, temptations are around us. Sin may or may not be known to us. Since we are weak, we ought to seek God's power and blessings of strength to fight against temptation in our lives. Temptations will cloud our sight to the Truth. Therefore we need God to renew us and put us back on the right track when we drift away. Never be ashame to seek God's strengthening when we sin against God. God knows we are going to sin and that is why the more we must seek his strength as a weak man. But it doesn't mean we don't make effort to avoid and resist to sin. Beware and be known of God's wrath! God love the good therefore He hate the evil.

The prayer meet followed at 7pm ++ is awesome! Pastors were excellent! Anointed by God! I feel more connected with God through this prayer meet. I am even more convinced that I am strengthened because Jesus love me. This sentence spoken by one of the pastors kept repeating itself in my mind. It says: "Let's not try to be positive by ourselves but fix our eyes on Jesus." I know how tiring it is to keep myself up to God's standard in my spiritual life by my own effort. But I learned the true way of being godly and holy is to love God. Love God and everything I do shall be motivated by His love. I enjoyed the dancing, jumping and hands raising to God as though God is going to pull me up to heaven anytime. =D

Thank God for the day! It was great. I cannot imagine my day without God and how dull and moody I will be. When God is alive in me, I am never empty, I am never hollow. I am filled with his Spirit and bearing the fruits of spirit. Love, joy and peace.

Barriers

God is with us not by our feeling, but by His promises and Words.
It is not God who has left us, but our sin which harden our heart and closed to God.
How easy or how difficult it is to have the true heart of repentance?
How humble are we to be quick in repentance?
The heaven rejoice more when a sinner repent than a righteous who do not need to repent.
God love us as who we are, a sinner, so do not let guilt mask us from seeking God.
We can never hide ourselves from God. We are to account to Him at the end of the day. So why bother trying?
Let's be real to God. Speak in honesty and live in Truth.

It's been a long time

Woah~ It's been a long time since I blogged. Did you think that I might have already grown tired of Jesus? I tell you the truth... NO!!!! NO!! NO! NO!!! It's been so exciting all these while! There are times when I'm down, and Jesus really is here to encourage me and lift up my spirit! He never leave me no matter how self-centered I have become emotionally. God is with me...

Today we had CG picnic together! Though it didn't go after a good planning, it is still enjoyable because God is among us! Amen! Thank God for such a blessed day! And today God wanna push me to be self-less through Donald and more. I am commanded to approach a group of strangers, with guys and ladies, to bless them with the food prepared extra due to members who were busy. Seriously, looking at the amount of ladies in that group, I shrunk. I panicked. What a joke huh!? Jian Feng were to be my companion in this "mission". Courage from God is with me, so I did approach but unfortunately, were rejected. At this time, instead of returning to my bros and sis, God encouraged me to carry on approaching others. God is faithful, and the next two groups we approach accepted our offer. Praise God!!

We're going back to vivo for dinner already. And then, I realized my phone was missing and it was with Eilton, who left early for appointment. So instead of dinning with caregroup, I dined with Donald at toa payoh KFC after getting my phone from Eilton. It is very enjoyable with Donald talking about how great our God is and His blessings for our caregroup! Fellowship is of such great joy!

I took bus 88 home from Toa Payoh and during the journey......... guess what? My slipper broke!! I imagine how embarrass it would be if I were to walk home from the bus stop bare-footed. I prayed. Again there is a challenge to alight at amk station and walk back home bare footed. Do u think it's stupid and crazy? I think it is! But I am also a crazy person! God knows me and how to encourage and inspire me! So I alighted at amk station and walk back. At the same time, when God put me into test, He is with me. I am on phone with my Great Shepherd, Richard, and God impressed upon my heart to account to him whatever I have missed. So I took up the courage God gave me and I did. After which, I felt restored and strengthened in Christ. My faith raised. My relationship with God improved. The peace in my heart conquered me. God satisfys me. Thank God for today! It is a fruitful day and full of tests! But with God, I am most encouraged! Amen!

God, if it is your will, let Richard be my account manager forever. I pray in Jesus' name and in obedience. Amen! Thank God for Richard!